The NCIS family
by Bahsee
Summary: DiNozzo have problems, but won't admit it. Ziva, Tim and Gibbs do not know anything, they do not even see that he have problems, that he is not who he usually is. Abby is closet to DiNozzo, she knows he has problems, but there are so much she does not know. WARNING - spanking, self harm and suicide.
1. Hangover

**My first time writing about NCIS. Hope you like it!**

 **Disclaimer; I do not own NCIS. Wish I did, though.**

"DiNozzo!" Anthony, also known as Tony, was not really in the mood for this. His head was throbbing. He had been drinking the day before, maybe a little too much.

He winced as he felt a slap to the back of his head. Rubbing the sore spot, he looked up at his boss with squinted eyes,

"Yes boss?" Tony felt like the light was making his headache worse.

"Rule number 48, never drink on week days." Gibbs said, as he slapped Tony once more. Tony winced and nodded his apologize to his boss.

"We'll take later, Anthony." Gibbs glared at the younger man whose stare had found some dirt on the floor.

"Yes boss..." Tony mumbled, and some tears found the way to his eyes. He was weak; he could not – and would not - show that. Gulping down the lump that had found his way to his throat, he stood up and all but ran to the men's room. He went into a stall, and locked the door. He did not wish for anyone to surprise him, while he was trying to get his anger out. It was not the smartest way to cope with it, but it was his way.

Taking his blade from his wallet, he had in his pocket; he then pulled his pants down and started to make cuts on his leg. It was not long before there was a small pool of blood, and he heard the bathroom door opening and shutting.

"DiNozzo, are you in here?" He could recognize his boss' voice everywhere, even in his sleep. He quickly cleaned up the small pool of blood and the cuts on his legs, then pulling up his pants he opened the stall door.

"I am here, boss." He quickly rinsed his hands, and took a paper towel to dry his hands, before he dumped it in the bin behind Gibbs. Before he managed to get out of the door, Gibbs grabbed his arm and hauled him back to stand in front of him.

"What is wrong, Tony?" Tony hesitated in a few seconds, before he made his face emotionless.

"I am fine, Jethro." Gibbs gabbed at the fact that Tony used his middle name. Tony realized his mistake, but hoped that Gibbs would never realize it.

"Why did you run out here? You have been out here for twenty minutes." Tony did not even think about the fact that he had been out there for longer than five minutes.

"I was sick to my stomach. I threw up. Hangover, you know." He mumbled the last part. He knew he was in trouble; he just did not want to think about that.

"Go home. Not your home, my home. The door is unlocked." Gibbs hugged his 'son', and sent him out of the bathroom with a smack to his butt.

"Yes sir." Tony mumbled, and whined at the smack. _Damn._


	2. Cleaning and cooking

Tony DiNozzo was sure. He was lucky to have Gibbs, to closet person to a father he have. That was why the first thing he did when he came to Gibbs' home, was to slump down in his usually spot in the sofa, put his hands in his head and let the tears roll.

 _How could he be so stupid? Drinking on a weekday? Cutting on work, where he promised himself never to cut? Moreover, he lied to his boss, his extra father? He hated himself._

Tony decided to make some food, and clean up a little. He had nothing else to do. Gibbs would first be home in a few hours. Before he did that, he took some aspirin for his hangover headache.

"Merrily we fall out of line, out of line. I'd fall anywhere with you." Tony sang as he walked around, cleaning Gibbs house. He started by sweeping the spider web on the ceiling. Where after he started sweeping the floor, and closed the cleaning by washing the floor.

He danced around in the kitchen while he made food. He was not good at cooking food, so it ended up with just being macaroni and cheese. _But it is fine,_ he thought. _As long as we get something to eat._

He had not suspected that the cleaning and cooking, would take up so many hours. He had not even looked at the clock, before he got a shock by the fact that Gibbs suddenly stood behind him.

"Oh dang, hey boss." Tony said, making sure not to curse. He would not like the consequences; he had tried that before.

"Hey Tony. I can see you cleaned up and made food." Gibbs smiled at the man he so many times had thought of as his son.

"Heh… Yeah. I had a lot of time to spare." He mumbled while rubbing the back of his head and looking down at the floor.

"Well thanks Tony. Let us eat something, and then we can talk about your punishment later." Gibbs paid a close attention to how Tony reacted, and could not do anything but smile when he saw how he blushed.

"Oh yeah." Tony said as he felt the blush on his cheeks. He had forgotten about that while he was cleaning and cooking.

They both sat down and started to eat. The conversation was normal. Nothing weird about it, or un-usual. Gibbs never saw the pain in Tony's eyes, and Tony never let him see the pain. They joked around, and talked about how Tony cleaned up the house. Tony thought that the time went to fast, suddenly there were no more food and he had to get his punishment over.

"Go into the living room, I'll come in a minute." He smiled reassuringly to Tony, who gave a little smile back.

Tony walked into the living room and once again, he slumped into his usually spot on the sofa. It was not long before Gibbs had set himself down in his chair.

"So Tony, do you know what you did wrong?"

"Yes boss, I got drunk on a weekday." He answered while looking anywhere but at his boss.

"Look at me Tony." He did not say anything more, before Tony looked at him. "Why was that wrong?"

"It was wrong because we could have had a case while I was drunk, or I could have made some mistakes the next day, because of the hangover." He mumbled.

"Stand up Tony, and go and bend over the table." He looked at Tony as he stood up, he could see a little pain in his eyes, but he did not think of it more. Just before Tony bend over, Gibbs stopped him.

"Drop the pants." Tony groaned, but did as he was told. He unbuckled his belt, slid his pants down and bent over the table. He winced a little when his arm touched the tabled, and he hat to put pressure on them. Gibbs thought he just winced because he heard his belt being pulled off.

"Are you ready?" He looked at Tony and started as soon as he saw Tony's head nodding. He hated spanking his "kids", but sometimes he just had to do it.

"Ugh. Argh. Ow." The small sounds left Tony's mouth more than often. Gibbs had to think about the things that would have happened, if Tony had been drunk while they had a case. Or if he was drunk driving. But wait, he had not asked about that? He would not do that. On the other hand, would he?

"Tony. You did not drunk drive. Did you?" Gibbs hesitated with his question. Afraid to hear his answer.

"N-no sir. I called a taxi." Tony sobbed out. Gibbs let out a breath he did not even know he held. Let the belt drop a few more times, he stopped when Tony's body went limp. Tossing the belt on the floor, he knelt down besides Tony and rubbed his back with his hand, while he told him some reassuring words.

"You are okay, Tony. It is all okay. You are forgiven." Gibbs said, and pressed at kiss to the top of his head. Tony did not only cry because it hurt, he cried because of the big secret he held from Gibbs. It became harder every day to live like that, without having anyone to tell.

Tony stood up, and pulled up his pants while Gibbs went to put on his belt, leaving Tony to at least have some modesty.

As Gibbs held out his arms, Tony went straight into them and gave his boss a hug. He was happy to have Gibbs. He was _lucky_ to have a man like Gibbs in his life.


End file.
